You’re the Maid of Honour! So, what do you have to do?

Tips to help you be the Greatest Maid of Honour (or Man of Honour…) of All Time

By Lorraine Wright, Marriage Celebrant

14 April 2023

Congratulations! The bride-to-be has asked you to be her maid-of-honour (or man-of-honour). That means she trusts you, and wants you by her side on this important day.

But what does a maid-of-honour actually have to do?

It really depends on the people involved, and the type of wedding they’re having. But the most important things for the MOH to do are to:

  1. help the bride prepare, so she is ready on time
  2. help her feel as calm and relaxed as possible, and
  3. help her look her amazing best … not just at the start of the ceremony, but throughout the whole experience.

Before we move on, let’s get the terminology thing out of the way. Traditionally, an unmarried chief bridesmaid is called the Maid-of-Honour, but if she’s already married, she’s the Matron-of-Honour. But seriously, this doesn’t have to be a big deal these days. Choose your own title! And if your bestie is a guy, go for it and have a Man-of-Honour by your side!

To keep it simple, from here on I’ll be referring to the role as “MOH”, and to the person they’re assisting as the “Bride” (or She). But please don’t feel excluded by my brevity. The gist of this article is applicable and inclusive for all genders, but some of the specific tasks will vary, depending on the person’s wishes. 

Amie Forbes Photography

Plan:

Well before the wedding, sit down with the bride and work out a plan (or run sheet), so everyone involved knows what their tasks include. Then, regularly check that you’re all on track.

  • Does she want you to be in charge of the hen’s party, dress shopping trips, nail and spray-tan appointments?
  • Does she expect you to be present for a ceremony rehearsal?
  • Does she want you to make a speech at the reception?
  • Is there anything she wants you to collect and bring home for her at the end of the night?

Bride’s prep list:

Encourage the bride to make a list of everything she wants to wear, carry with her, or have someone take for her, and check these things off on the day so nothing is forgotten.

  • Dress, veil, shoes, underwear, bra, Hollywood tape, bouquet, earrings, necklace, bracelet, rings, hair pin/decoration, card for her new spouse?, keepsake from her grandmother?, grandfather’s pen for the signing?, (or whatever is relevant);
  • Purse – containing phone, tissues, lipstick, mascara, face powder for touch ups, breath mints, and lots of cotton tips for dabbing tears without ruining her makeup
  • Jacket/wrap for later in the evening
  • Comfy shoes to change into

 

Amie Forbes Photography

Pre-wedding activities:

You’ll most likely be in charge of booking the pre-wedding activities, such as the hen’s night/weekend, bridesmaid-dress shopping trips, and possibly nail and spray-tan appointments, if these are part of the plan.

  • Some brides prefer to have total control over what their bridesmaids wear; others want it to be a mutual decision, while a few give their bridesmaids carte blanche to decide for themselves, perhaps with just a colour scheme in mind. My best advice is to be honest, because most brides prefer you to look and feel your best, too. If you know the dress that’s being considered will not suit your colouring or body shape, mention it, and suggest something more suitable.
  • You should also have an open and honest chat about the bride’s expectations in terms of who is paying for the bridesmaids’ outfits, shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup. In most cases, the bridesmaids pay for their own outfit and shoes, while the bride covers hair and makeup. She might also gift her bridesmaids some earrings or a necklace to wear on the day. But there are no rules with this stuff, so talk it through.
  • Regarding the hen’s night… ask the bride exactly what she wants to do, and have some suggestions up your sleeve, based on what you know about her, in case she hasn’t had a chance to think about it.
    • Is she a party girl, or is a relaxing weekend at a spa retreat more her thing?
    • And what are her expectations in terms of who will be paying for what? (Generally, attendees pay their own way, but because everyone’s circumstances are different, you may have to be the voice of reason if she has her heart set on something that is unaffordable for some.)
    • Avoid having the hen’s night within 2 days of the wedding… she’ll want to be well rested so she can look her best on the day.

On the day:

  • Make sure the bride has something to eat, and plenty water to drink while getting ready. Same for you, too! It’s amazing how these simple things can be forgotten in all the excitement, and that’s a recipe for light-headedness or even fainting.
  • Get yourself ready ahead of time, then you can focus on helping the bride prepare.
  • You might want to wait to put your outfit on fairly last minute, to keep it in perfect condition. However, here’s a special note for bridesmaids who are wearing infinity dresses (those ones you can wear a multitude of ways): give yourselves a little extra time, so you can figure out exactly how each person is styling their dress. Not everyone gets it right the first time!
  • If the wedding is outdoors, consider applying insect repellent and non-staining sunscreen before getting dressed.

 

Getting ready:

  • Amie Forbes Photography

    When it’s time for the bride to get dressed, help her if she needs assistance to get into her dress.

  • If the wedding is outdoors, consider applying insect repellent and non-staining sunscreen before the dress goes on.
  • Once she’s in the dress, check every detail… Are all the buttons done up correctly? Is her bra showing? Does she need some Hollywood tape or safety pins? Does she need help with her shoes?
  • Who is attaching her veil – the hair stylist, or will she need you to complete this step? If you’re to do it, ask the hair stylist to show you how before they leave.
  • Check her jewellery. Does she have her earrings? Necklace? Rings? (All the items on her list?)
  • On the subject of rings, traditionally, the bride does not wear her engagement ring to the wedding ceremony. (Her wedding ring goes onto her bare finger, then the engagement ring is placed back on over the top). So, where does she want to keep her engagement ring in the meantime? Will it fit on her other hand? Does she want you to mind it?
  • Finally, make sure she has her bouquet (and don’t forget your own, or the petals for the flower girls).

The ceremony:

Amie Forbes Photography
  • Before the bridal party starts walking down the aisle, cast your eye over the bride again. Is everything as it should be? Then ask her if she feels ready.
  • Take a calming breath, relax your shoulders, and hold your flower bouquet down low. (The joke which will help you remember where to hold them is ‘pubes, not boobs’). Then, begin to walk slowly but naturally down the aisle.
  • Look up and smile as much as possible. Make eye contact and engage with people in the crowd as you make your way down the aisle. This will slow you down so you don’t rush, and make your smile all the more natural and authentic.
  • When stepping into position at the front, glance over at your counterpart on the other side, so the bridesmaids are evenly positioned relative to the groomsmen, and there is a nice symmetry to the set up.
  • Once the bride has arrived at the ceremony spot, help to arrange her dress, train, and veil.
  • If you notice the couple are not centred in front of their arbour, whisper to them to shimmy left or right. They’ll appreciate the intervention, once they see their photos!
  • On that note, photos will be taken constantly throughout the ceremony – some you’ll be aware of, and others will be happening when you don’t realise it. So, remember to look up and smile as much as possible. Look at the couple; look at guests you know; look at the photographer occasionally. And try not to slide into what I call, ‘resting concentrating face’, which bears a striking resemblance to ‘resting b_face’. This goes for all members of the wedding party!)
Amie Forbes Photography

Post-ceremony:

  • Immediately after the ceremony, the bride might need you to hold her flowers, grab her jacket, hold her drink, check her makeup or her teeth for errant lipstick, as guests crowd around to congratulate the happy couple and have photos. Do your best to be her right-hand person, and don’t wander too far away at this stage.
  • Remember to bring water along for the post-ceremony photoshoot, jackets or wraps if it’s chilly, umbrellas if it’s rainy, insect repellent, and makeup touch-up kit.

Reception:

  • The couple may ask their wedding party members to make a grand entrance to the reception. So check, do they want you to simply walk in, or dance, twirl, or do something unique on the way in? (Check your favourite video-sharing platform for tons of inspiration!)
  • Throughout the reception, remember to check in from time to time with the bride in case she needs assistance with anything from passing her a tissue, to makeup and hair touch-ups, to helping her find the restroom.
  • If you’re doing a speech, take it easy on the alcohol till you’ve had your moment with the microphone. Keep it brief, meaningful, and funny if you can.
  • If the couple choose to do a first dance, be ready to hit the dancefloor with them to encourage the crowd to get into the party spirit.
  • At the end of the night, be sure to collect anything you’ve been made responsible for. (For example, polaroid cameras, guest book, wishing well, marriage certificate in its envelope, leftover cake, table decorations, bouquets…) Then go and put your feet up! You’ve earned it!

What do you do when the borders are shut, and your Celebrant can’t make it to your wedding?

Roses and two wooden hearts overlaid with text from wedding vows, I will show you how much I love you, even when words are hard to find.

Last Thursday, I met the most beautiful young couple, and on Saturday, I married them!

Things don’t normally move that fast, but with the recent closure of the Queensland/New South Wales border, I was privileged to jump in for a Celebrant who was unable to travel to Brisbane for the ceremony. It was time to put the wedding contingency plan in action! He briefed me and forwarded the all-important paperwork, then I took the ball and ran with it.

Even though I met R & M in person only days before their wedding, you could say we ‘crunched the timeline’ in getting to know each other! And we quickly came to an easy, comforting place of trust. R & M knew I had their backs; that was my promise to them.

Our rehearsal gave us the perfect opportunity to check that everything was coming together just as they envisioned, and by Saturday, it felt as though it was always supposed to be this way.

Many details made R & M‘s wedding ‘oh so special’, but three of my favourites were…

💍 Firstly the original poem written and read by the bride’s stepdad. (Goosebumps!)

💍 Secondly, the time we dedicated to one-on-one conversations between myself and the bride and groom at the rehearsal. Those meaningful, honest chats gave me the insight I needed to ‘ghostwrite’ deeply personal vows, just for them. And they delivered them from the heart. (Goosebumps on goosebumps!)

💍 And thirdly, the perfect rainbow that arched across the sky as I was driving away from their wedding. I’m sure that’s a wonderful sign. (Dare I say it, even more goosebumps!)

I’m so grateful for the trust R & M (and their original Celebrant) placed in me. It all led to an uplifting ceremony that flowed with natural warmth, and celebrated their love story in an authentic way.  

Big virtual hugs to Shirley and her lovely team at Boulevard Gardens – always wonderful to work with you!

Things happen the way they’re meant to happen. 

A Special Anniversary

Ten years as a Marriage Celebrant

by Lorraine Wright, The Wright Celebrant

This weekend is a special one for many reasons. Happy Mothers’ Day to all the mums, and big hugs to those who can’t be with their families this year. With everything that’s going on in the world right now, it really makes us stop and think about what’s truly important, doesn’t it? Happy Mothers’ Day to my own lovely mum in New South Wales. I’m hoping for an easing of travel restrictions soon, so we can cross state borders again and visit in person.

Also happening this weekend is a significant anniversary. It will be ten years since my friends, Coralie and Andy, were married. Congratulations, lovely people!

I remember their wedding like it was yesterday…

  • our good friends, looking gorgeous and so, so happy, as they tied the knot;
  • the Groom’s son, Jack (then just a teenager), playing guitar during the ceremony, and giving us an early glimpse of the musician he was becoming; (seriously – check him out! @Jack Botts Music);
  • and me, up front, complete with six-month baby-bump, officiating my very first ceremony as a Marriage Celebrant.

Bride and Groom signing the marriage register and celebrant showing them where to sign

Ten years as a Wedding Celebrant! I can’t believe it’s a decade since I took my first steps on this career path that I love so much.

From that very first ceremony, I was hooked. Hooked on the excitement and anticipation; the heady privilege of witnessing the love and sincerity between a couple as they say their vows; feeling their vulnerability, as they stand together, suspending the every-day for a little window of time as they publicly honour their relationship.

My celebrant friends and I call it ‘the Love Buzz’, and it never gets old. What a privilege.

May 2020 was on track to be my best month to date in my celebrancy business; that is, until the dreaded C-word came along and uprooted the plans of so many couples. The old 2020 wall planner is pretty much a series of scribbles and adjustments, but the 2021 calendar… that’s going to be a different story completely!

One of the unexpected bonuses over the last two months (and the months ahead) has been the opportunity to bring to life some incredibly special elopement ceremonies, as couples pivot to keep their dream alive.

Bride and groom wearing masks as they kiss

Each elopement has felt so beautiful and significant, with a unique intimacy and sense of fun brought about by their refusal to let the circumstances rain on their parade. I’ve adored this time with each couple, (all at a safe social distance, of course!) and can’t wait to see them again next year when we gather all their friends and families, and celebrate their marriage with a cracking Vow Renewal ceremony!

In the meantime, I’m doing my best to focus on all that we have to be thankful for, especially here in Australia, where – dare I say it – we have managed to ‘flatten the curve’ in most regions, for now at least. I am loving the laughs with friends over social media and video chats; I’m enjoying hardly ever having to put fuel in the car, and – like all the parents overseeing their kids’ online schooling, I’m trying not to pull my hair out too much. (Not sure I’m winning on that front.)

All the while, I’m really looking forward to the day when I can hug people again, and big weddings are once again, a thing.

So let’s stay safe, keep washing our hands, and truly relish life on the other side of this thing. Let’s make 2021 The Year of Togetherness!

#2021theyearoftogetherness #COVIDelopements #tenyearworkanniversary

Weddings on the wave of COVID-19

Couple kissing while wearing face masks
Photo credit: Daniel Tafjord on Unsplash.

By Lorraine Wright, The Wright Celebrant

Your plans may have changed, but your dreams have not.

If you are planning your wedding, this should be a time of great excitement and joy for you and your loved ones. But the COVID-19 pandemic, which is encroaching on just about every aspect of our day-to-day lives, is now causing genuine concern for engaged couples, their families, and those working in the wedding industry.

If you’re not sure whether everyone will be able to make it to your wedding this year, I truly feel for you. Your wedding is a milestone event in your life, and it’s natural to want to share it. So let’s talk about using technology to livestream your ceremony, so your more vulnerable loved ones can stay safely out of harm’s way, but still witness your “I Do’s” via a screen.

If you’re trying to decide, ‘should we postpone our wedding?’ or forge on, perhaps in a modified format, I understand your dilemma. It’s heartbreaking even thinking about changing your carefully crafted plans. But if your group is larger than the allowed gathering (100 guests at the time of writing), or you’d just rather wait until everyone can be with you on your big day, let’s talk about finding you a new date. I do have availability from October 2020 and throughout 2021, and I’ll bend over backwards to help you.

Or, you might consider having a small elopement-style ceremony on your planned date with just the two of you and your two witnesses, but waiting till later in the year (or even next year) to have your big party. I’m definitely open to helping you reimagine the style and logistics for your ceremony.

Until such time as the Australian government further restricts the gathering of people, and as long as I remain fit and healthy and you remain fit and healthy, I would be honoured to officiate for you. We will adapt to the circumstances, by incorporating social distancing and stepping up hygiene measures, for instance:

  • no handshaking, hugging or kissing anyone you don’t live with;
  • spacing out chairs to give everyone more personal space;
  • wiping down microphones and pens with disinfectant wipes;
  • liberal use of hand sanitiser;
  • ensuring no bubbles are blown over anyone;
  • and importantly, asking for strict compliance from anyone who has been in contact with a known case of COVID-19, or has any symptoms consistent with the infection (fever, sore throat, dry cough, shortness of breath) to NOT ATTEND the wedding.
  • You could even ask everyone to check their temperature before coming, as an extra safeguard.

Of course, please refer to the advice of our Chief Medical Officers and the World Health Organisation for specific information on COVID-19, as this is not my area of expertise. 

If I am unlucky enough to become unwell and unable to officiate for you, I will reach out to my amazing colleagues and find you a substitute celebrant, transferring the legal paperwork as per our discussion at the time of signing our agreement. Fingers crossed it doesn’t come to that, but contingency planning makes sense right now.

As this is a very fluid situation that is changing by the day, I will be continuing to heed the advice of our Chief Medical Officers and government leaders, in terms of any restrictions imposed on gatherings, in the days and weeks ahead.

But please, if you have questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to pick up the phone, or send me a message. I’m here for you.

Let me finish by saying, your wedding is going to be amazing. Your plans may have changed, but your dreams have not.